Quest for two-ply toilet paper ends at sex ratio
Commentary by Sandy Stafford

There is one thing on this campus that most of us, whether we like it or not, can agree is not balanced. Of course, this is in reference to TCU’s male-to-female ratio.

Now before you think, “Oh great, another girl ranting about the guy-to-girl ratio,” just give me a chance. There is evidence, although not exactly empirical, to suggest that the ratio extends beyond the obvious lack of datable men to many other dilemmas.

The worst problem: Single-ply toilet paper. We have it in our academic buildings, in our Student Center and even in our residence halls. Is there any doubt that the person in charge of buying TCU’s toilet paper would accept anything less than two-ply at home?

Honestly, sixth graders buy thicker toilet paper to hurl into their neighbors’ trees. The single-ply rolls are probably less expensive, but why would our administration need to scrimp on toilet paper? I blame the male-to-female ratio.

As a rule, women use more toilet paper than men do. If we had fewer women around here, then we would not have to buy as much toilet paper. Therefore, simple logic says we could afford the higher quality two-ply.

Bathroom inconveniences aside, there are several other problems that indirectly result from the gender ratio.

First, there is the low attendance at TCU athletics events. With no intent to promote sexist stereotypes, it is generally observed that men become much more excited about sports than women do. More men on campus might bring better crowds.

Second, there are those annoying Lancôme flyers that keep appearing in my mailbox.

It’s not very likely that the male student population is the demographic keeping the bookstore’s makeup counter in business.

Third, there are all those new 10-minute loading zones around Waits Hall, Sherley Hall and Colby Hall. It can’t be said whether the women in these dorms actually prefer the loading zones or whether someone in charge assumed that we cannot carry suitcases and groceries farther than six feet, but it goes without saying that most students would prefer to have their parking spaces back.

Finally, the male-to-female ratio may be affecting our food. This one may seem like a stretch, but bear with me. There is always a severe lettuce shortage on weekends in The Main. And which sex tends to eat more salad? Ding, ding, the women! How’d you guess?

Of course, none of this information has been scientifically determined, and this is not meant to advocate that all female students immediately transfer to other schools. But, this is simply the viewpoint of a merely average student looking for an explanation for inferior toilet paper.

Sandy Stafford is a sophomore theater/TV major from Nederland. She can be contacted at (s.a.stafford@student.tcu.edu).

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