Friday, March 8, 2002

Teacher’s pets beg for favoritism; damage grades of classmates
Commentary by Shawn Barnes

In high school, teacher’s pets ran amuck. It was important to suck up to the teacher back then because high school teachers would let their favorite students into class even if they were a little late. A teacher’s pet would always be the student chosen to run that all-important errand that involved missing 20 minutes of boring civics class. Brown-nosing got many people into high places, but what happens to these suck-ups once they graduate from high school? They continue to do what they do best — suck up to professors in hopes of attaining special favors.

High school is just a training ground for teacher’s pets. College is where pets fully use their skills to get a little favoritism. For example, a teacher’s pet may get a little boost when semester grade time rolls around, or amnesty on make-up work. These special favors may be important to some people, particularly those who whine when they get a “B” because they know in their hearts that they would have gotten an “A-” if only they had stopped by their professor's office one more time in the semester just to chat.

Being a teacher’s pet wouldn’t even be an issue if it only affected the pet in question.

Just like a horny dog, teacher’s pets not only irritatingly hump the leg of their owner, they hump the legs of everyone in sight.

In college, teacher’s pets cause class to drag on because they feel that they must comment on every single thing. The teacher’s pet creed states that a pet must come up with a helpful analogy to reinforce to the class what the professor has already said 100 times. A teacher’s pet’s mission is to spend as much class time talking as the professor does. They never allow class to end five or 10 minutes early.

Teacher’s pets are constantly reminding the class that they have taken numerous introductory level classes on the topic of the class and have spent the summer at a teacher’s pet educational camp, where they studied with masters of teacher petology and, therefore, know everything about everything. And of course teacher’s pets must share everything with the class.

Well that’s fine by me. Walk into your foreign language class the first day speaking the language because you reviewed chapters one through three before class. Work on all of your papers and projects as soon as they are assigned so that you can have time to ask questions prior to the day before the assignment is due. Remind the professor they forgot to assign homework for the weekend.

Do what you do best, be a teacher’s pet. But don’t forget you are single-handedly throwing off the curve for everyone else.


Shawn Barnes is a columnist for the Technician at North Carolina State University. This column was distributed by U-Wire.


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