Tuesday, September 11, 2001

Abusive stepfather doesn’t deserve to ‘pass go’ again
Monopoly game not grounds for violence
by Jordan Blum
Skiff Staff

The average board game player typically thinks of the Monopoly man as a nice uncle who bears a striking resemblance to the Pringles man. However, based on a recent incident in the news, picture instead a 49-year-old former Army sergeant, who unmercifully pummels all who attempt to put a hotel on Boardwalk.

Possibly wanting to toughen his stepchildren for military school, the ex-officer must have thought he was teaching a good lesson when he physically battered his stepchildren for repeatedly beating him at the popular board game.

This candidate for father-of-the-year accused his 13-year-old stepson of ruining his life by defeating him, and then went on to destroy the kitchen table in an understandably deranged fit of rage.

The boy’s mother simply described her husband as a “sore loser.” Pure genius.

At least, at one point, the mother attempted to further utilize her brilliance and throw the game away, but the stepfather proceeded to cleverly outwit her and, get this, took it out of the trash. He then went on to repeatedly challenge his two stepchildren to further games.

Sadly, this has occurred numerous times in the past.

The stepfather even admitted to assaulting the boy and causing him actual bodily harm in October last year, but he was miraculously cleared of this charge and two other counts of child cruelty by a very “forgiving” 12-person jury.

In the most recent known instance, the boy was left covered in bruises after he was punched and kicked in the groin. But hey, at least the boy can still take pride in having once again beaten his emotionally challenged stepfather.

In the only act that includes even the slightest bit of rational thinking, the judge overseeing the latest charge brought against the stepfather says he sees the incident as a serious one and is considering it a custody issue.

Sure, don’t put the stepfather in prison for 20 years or more. Instead, let’s just keep the kids away from him. However, wherever there’s a Monopoly board, he’ll still be there beating up small children.

So what did we learn from this whole crazy story and my inane rambling?

First of all, whenever you're playing a deranged former military officer in a game, don’t be afraid to let him win every now and then.

And secondly, avoid life-and-death games like Monopoly and stick to more “innocent” board games like Candyland and Chutes and Ladders.

Jordan Blum is a junior broadcast journalism major from New Orleans.
He can be contacted at (j.d.blum@student.tcu.edu).