Friday, September 14, 2001

Family worst obstacle for interracial duo
Commentary by Angie Chang

I must admit that I deeply regret not being able to date until I turned 18. I am glad to say, however, that the extremely low number of beaus I have had are due to the fact that I was kept under lock and key by my parents.

The issue of dating is a very touchy topic within my Chinese household. Being a first generation American, there were many things that I could not do and my strict father made sure he laid down plenty of rules.

The crowning rule was the “no-dating-until-you-are-18-years-old” rule. While my friends were just experiencing the tingly joy that comes from the emotions of puppy love, I was eating chips and watching “Saved by the Bell” in front of the living room television after school.

But even before I had the delight of experiencing my first love, my father laid down yet another rule. I was told that I could date whomever I wanted, but that if I ever married outside of my race I would face disownment.

That is a big price to pay for love.

Over the years, his thoughts have changed. Before I came to TCU, he said he would not disown me, but he would never meet my husband nor ever see my children. He stuck to this claim much to my anguish.

Regardless of his threats, I came to TCU and within three months of my freshman year I started dating my current boyfriend, Richard McReynolds, now a TCU alumnus.

Thankfully, we live in a nation that embraces diversity. Richard and I have not encountered any prejudice, nor have I ever noticed people staring or glaring at us.

It was within my very own family that I feared rejection for dating a Caucasian. For the first six months of our relationship, I didn’t tell my father or my mother who I was dating. I feared their reaction, yet I felt they were being prejudiced because they are minorities themselves. Even my younger sister, then 14-years-old, told me that she didn’t think that it was right to marry anyone that was not Chinese. I cared about what they thought, but I believed more in the fact that I deserved to be happy and my happiness was with Richard. Moreover, it made me ashamed of my family and my race because they were so narrow-minded. Richard’s family never had a problem that I was Chinese.

I should have put more faith in my family.

Much has happened in the past three years. Richard has spent every New Years at my home with my sisters and my mother. My mother is always happy to see Richard and even though they cannot communicate because of the language barrier, my mom always tries to carry a conversation. Acceptance was not so easy from my father. It took until July for my father to finally meet Richard at a family wedding. They had very little contact during the wedding, but at the reception my father asked the both of us to lunch the next day.

I was so relieved. Finally my entire immediate family had met someone that was a huge part of my life. I am very content now and I am very proud of the way my family has grown.

Richard and I are still learning in our relationship about our different cultures. To this day Richard is still curious about my culture and why we do the things we do. He will never understand how disownment of children is so easy for the Chinese. He will never understand why children in my family are expected to be malleable to their parent’s wishes. Richard once told me that sometimes he feels that I resent being Chinese and that I am ashamed of my culture. I am still trying to figure this out. I consider myself an American, but I know that upon looking at me one would not immediately think so. I know stereotypes still follow me wherever I go.

In America, we are taught to be colorblind, but I fear that day will never come.

Tuesday’s events have put us several step backward from that goal. But on an individual basis, my family has given me hope that at least love still prevails over color and race boundaries.

Features editor Angie Chang is a broadcast journalism major from Sugar Land. She may be contacted at (a.o.chang@yahoo.com)