Tuesday, September 25, 2001

Several factors need to be considered before moving in with significant other
Commentary by Bethany McCormack

Before I will ever live with my boyfriend, several things will have to happen. This includes a rock appearing on my finger, my family and friends squeezing into a flower-filled chapel and a man holding a Bible proclaiming, “you may now kiss the bride.”

In short, marriage must precede cohabitation for me for a number of reasons. The most motivating reason is my religious faith.

I believe God intends for two people to be joined together as one in marriage for the rest of their lives. Cohabitation acts as a replacement for marriage, but is not blessed by God as a spiritual union.

No vows are made, no contracts are signed and no commitment is required. Trusting in God and his plan, however, requires a commitment before God to another person.

Apart from my faith, I wouldn’t live with my boyfriend before marriage because living with a person changes the whole nature of a relationship, which is something I am not ready for.

Rather than seeing your boyfriend or girlfriend a varying amount each day, he or she will be the first person you see in the morning and the last person you see at night. I want to be 100 percent certain that it’s the right person before I spend so much time with anyone.

But I’m not certain about anything in my life right now. I’m not sure I picked the right major, or the right college, or the right shoes to wear with this outfit, so there’s no way I can be sure that I’m dating the guy I’ll be with in 50 years.

Now is the time to have fun and enjoy being independent. Living in an apartment with three other girls lets me see my boyfriend as often as he wants to come over, but we still have our own lives and identities. I don’t have to call home if I’m going to be late, or watch Monday Night Football when I’d rather watch reruns of “Friends.”

Cohabitation adds a complexity to a relationship that I am not willing to deal with any time soon. Money would become an issue, deciding who pays for what and when.

Also, how do you divide your possessions if you break up? Who gets to keep the cat?

Breaking up is always hard, but it’s much more difficult when a couple lives together. I learned this when a friend, whom I’ll call “Mary,” broke up with her boyfriend after living with him for two years.

Mary stayed in the relationship long after irreparable problems became evident because she didn’t want to deal with the hassle a breakup would cause. She eventually did end the relationship mid-semester, moved out and ended up commuting an hour to school each day from her parent’s home.

Cohabitation didn’t work out for Mary and her boyfriend, and she admits that it would have been much easier to break up had they not been living together.

While I am opposed to cohabitation for myself, I am not condemning it for anyone else. It is a personal choice that works well for some people.

Another friend, who lived with her boyfriend for a year, married him this summer and doesn’t at all regret that they lived together first. Cohabitation worked for them.

Like most things in life, deciding whether or not to move in with a boyfriend or girlfriend is a personal choice that only you can decide. It doesn’t matter what other people think or what other people do. It simply matters what is right for you and your significant other.

My boyfriend and I both agree that it is best for us not to live together, and this is a decision that works for us. However, if we ever do decide to live together, you can be sure of what will happen first and it involves a white dress and organ music.

Opinion Editor Bethany McCormack is a junior English major. She can be contacted at (b.s.mccormack@student.tcu.edu).